Don't Tell Me You're Sorry

I'm not sorry so don't tell me you are.  Or you'll make me feel guilty for having told you about my disease.  I feel really good as you know if you're reading my blog. Why?  Well, this is a worthwhile mission and I'm in a position to carry it out successfully.  I see progress with what I'm doing and have
only just started.  I am walking fine this morning and only put the Vaseline on once last night versus every few hours in previous nights.  Other signs are promising.  Haven't noticed itching until I mention it here now .. but only a bit.   When I say .. only just started .. there are things I want to try .. just haven't got to .. like acupuncture .. sea salt etc..,  more meditation and exercise.  I've fallen off exercise. Didn't want to go to the gym and gross people out when then see my body.  Will set up a "gym" at home to do that -- nothing fancy.  And I am walking thank God.  But there is another part of this.  Huge!  And that is what I want to talk to you about at 4 AM this morning and that's mental attitude.  I believe a positive mental attitude is important for great physical health, maybe the most important thing within our control.  So if you say you're sorry maybe I am missing the point and should focus more on what I should be sorry about in this situation. You tell me to be honest, stop deluding myself.  Stop being in denial, you say?  Or maybe it's you who should focus on the positive aspects and not be sorry?  Please understand I really do appreciate your taking the time to express your concern and empathy.  Just don't be sorry for me.  That's not good for either of us.  Why?  Hard science says happy people are healthier and live longer.  So let's be happy.  Easily-er said than done?  How do we do that?  Use our minds.  If your mind, like mine, is limited and can only focus on one thing at a time that's actually good.  (I think all minds are really like this it's just that some can switch faster between things and appear to be thinking about more than one thing at a time).  Now here's the big thing.  You can decide what to think about.  If you think about the good things in your life, while your doing that, there's no room for the bad.  There are plenty of each to choose from, so let's pick and focus on the positive.  You can do it.  Try it. I know there are people younger and richer than me and better looking. and have better cars (well, really no, I love my Subaru), and better health.  But no one has better family and friends than I, or you, for that matter if we make time for them.  And there are many who have it far worse than we do.  In fact there is only one person in the world who can't say others have it worse.  So let's focus on what we have and not what we don't.  Too simple? Try it. Really works for me.  OK there is one final argument you can make against what I'm saying here. It's the Prednisone drug I'm taking that accounts for my good spirits. It's side effects include mood swings.  But my mood is practically always up these days. Still, it's true, I can't prove what I'm saying here about choosing to be happy and how to do it without drugs since I'm on them, but  tomorrow I'm going to see my Johns Hopkins Dermatology Doc.  This could be a critical turning point.  The planned next step is to phase into the drug Methotrexate-MTX and phase out of Prednisone.  What I plan to discuss with the Doc is phasing out of Prednisone and not going onto MTX .. and cutting out the Triamcinolone (the steroid creme).  Then I'll be "all natural"  with just coconut oil and Vaseline.  My pitch will be to try this and see what happens physically and mentally.  If I go off the drugs we'll find out.  And I won't fake it, you would be able to tell anyway if I did, and why should I? Whose decision is it to get off the drugs?  Mine, not the Doc's, but I'm going to hear what she says and hope we agree whichever way I go.  All the Docs I've been working with have been great. (Let me clear something up right now.  All the people I've worked with this time around - Docs and Staff - have been wonderfully attentive and careing. It's the system that's bad and needs to be addressed and fixed and this can be done -- more on  that in future Blogs). So far my Doc and I have agreed, but if we don't, it's my decision and responsibility not hers  So let's see what happens.  Thanks for coming along on this journey.  Great to have you with me!  Say whatever you want, but please don't be sorry.